Funeral, Suicide Awareness

This past week was especially hard. I have been putting off posting this. We went to the funeral of a (new) friend. We met her at a coworker friend's birthday party and my daughter loved her. She spent probably two full hours holding my daughter and loving on her. She gushed over my daughter's name (Marley) for the longest time! She was so sweet, but obviously had a bit of a troubled past/present. She took her own life on December 10, 2013. After some confusion and thinking it was a different sister that we hadn't met, everything was cleared up and it turned real. (I'm not sure why it got harder when we realized we'd met her... maybe because we were able to picture her face? I don't know...) People close to the person always feel like it was their fault. Like there was something they could have done. Just one more "Hello, I love you" maybe could've saved her. I don't think that's the case. If someone is set on ending their life, it will take a lot to stop them. It's all very sad and scary and real. I was thinking maybe if I had talked to her more, something would be different. Mom thought maybe if she was able to hire her, something would have changed. I don't think any kind of blame is necessary in this situation, even if it is self-blame.

The service was beautiful and very touching. We didn't know anyone there except the immediate family (coworker). I honestly couldn't go up to the casket during the viewing. I feel weak, but I just kept imagining her holding Marley and playing around and trying to feed her fried chicken (which I kindly turned down because Mar was only six months old!) It was a very hard day. There wasn't much speaking between my mother and me the rest of the day. She looked so peaceful in the casket. She was in her military uniform, so mom saluted her (although Mom wasn't in uniform.) It was very hard to see everyone so emotional, when we barely knew her. She definitely was a kind soul who would make anyone feel welcome wherever she was. I could tell that the second I met her.

I don't think I should elaborate on anything further about her death, but I will post resources here, for anyone who needs.

Crisis Text Line
National Suicide Prevention Lifeline
Veterans Crisis Line
VA Mental Health
The Trevor Project

From the Crisis Text Line:

Our listeners are trained to help individuals work through a wide variety of concerns, including:

• Feeling sad or depressed
• Feeling stressed
• Feeling anxious
• Trouble with a girlfriend or boyfriend
• Questions about pregnancy
• Questions about HIV, AIDS, or other STIs
• Concerns about violence or abuse in relationships
• Thoughts or acts of self-harm or cutting
• Thoughts of suicide
• Being bullied
• Feeling lonely
• Concerns about school or classmates
• Issues with parents, brothers, sisters, or other family members
• Coming out or other questions about LGBTQ
• Thoughts about running away
• Feeling neglected
• Problems with eating, sleeping, or staying healthy
• Problems with alcohol or drugs
• Concerns about the well-being of friends or family members
• The loss of a loved one
• And more

The yellow ribbon is for suicide awareness and the pink was for her favorite color.

Rest in Peace "Lyric". You're already missed.

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