This Little Human

I'm kind of freaking out a little on the inside. This little human will be a year old in almost a month. It's crazy to think how exhausted I have been these past 11 months and how much I've changed as a person and as a mommy in such a short amount of time. I feel that I've matured exponentially. I was kind of batshit crazy for a while there during pregnancy. Come on -- I'm even admitting it. Maybe I was "crazy" because I felt betrayed by everyone around me and I felt completely alone. Maybe I was "crazy" because everyone only heard one side of the story. Or maybe I was just plain nuts. Love will do that to you, no doubt. I cared very strongly for someone and due to personality differences (and so many other things) it did not work out. We separated, but not before I became pregnant with this wonderful little bundle of cute. I look at her every day and think to myself "Wow, she's beautiful!" I've never looked at something I made or did and think so highly of it. The fact that I grew this little creature inside my uterus for almost 10 months and pushed her out with an epidural wearing off and all kinds of drugged-up (although I didn't want that... but that's a different story) is amazing to me. I'm surprised I survived it and I made a conscious decision to not do this again. I am happy with my one little love and do not plan to have anymore. I look into her eyes and I can't possibly figure out how I could split the love I have for her between her and another child. No way, José. Not gonna happen.

Ok, so I'm rambling. Sorry, guys. My brain is just super active tonight and I am blogging instead of doing homework.

Did I mention I love my new camera? It's so much more user-friendly and understandable than my D3100, I think. AND I CAN USE KELVIN WHITE-BALANCE.... which makes my photos come out properly and HOW I WANT THEM TO. I was always having such a hard time putting what I see in my mind's eye into the camera. Now, I'm learning to manipulate light and settings to the point that I almost have what I want. :)

I have class in the morning and a mommy-date to pass on my D3100 to a new user. I really really hope she will be able to love is as I did! That was my Lucy! I still have yet to come up with a name for the D7100... Darla? I like Darla. Maybe not. It'll come to me...

For now, goodnight. :)

Tweet